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By Dave Siderski

This fight is scheduled for six rounds by “Mythical Boxing” rules which I’m completely making up as we go along. It will consist of three rounds in the boxing ring along with three at the debate table between our two contenders. Our Mythical Boxing expert panel has made President Obama a slight favorite based on his relative youth and articulate oratory. However, “The Donald” still has a punchers chance based on his ruthlessness, business acumen, and distracting hair style.

This match is brought to you by Budweiser, “Your King of Beers” and the Roger Goodell: “Donate to the League That Cares Fund”. “We desperately need funds to defend our lawsuit against Tom: “The Deft Deflator” Brady.”

Your referee in charge of the action in the boxing ring is Mills Lane. The judges at ringside are Don King, Bob Arum and Vince McMahon. Your debate moderator is John McLaughlin, from the McLaughlin Group. Our panel of questioners includes: Sarah Palin, Former President William “Don’t Call Me Billy” Jefferson Clinton and Former Vice President “Tricky” Dick Chaney.

Round One: President Obama lands a jab and “The Donald” immediately asks for a comb as his hair goes completely wild. After 20 seconds the action continues. Trump throws a wild right and President Obama counters with a left to the body. Obama dances around the ring, peppering Trump with jabs as Donald swings and misses wildly. Obama wins the round 10-9

Round Two: After a one minute rest period, during which a crew of 15 tend to “The Donald’s precious hair, the contestants now move to the podium for our first debate round. Moderator McLaughlin starts the process off: “Our first panel question will come from former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Each contestant will have one minute to answer. Sarah Palin: “Thank you John……from the great state of Alaska, I ask both of you if you can see Russia from your backyard”

President Obama: “Sarah, I have a three part answer to your question. First, hope is what binds Americans across the country. [MODERATOR MCLAUGHLIN INTERRUPTS]: “Wrrrrrrrrong, the correct answer is Sarah that is a completely irrelevant question that doesn’t warrant a response. Mr. Trump: the question goes to you.”
The Donald: “The only solution to the Russian problem is to build a 100 foot electrified fence around the borders. Russia You’re fired! [MODERATOR MCLAUGHLIN INTERRUPTS]: “Wrrrrrrrrong, the fence should be precisely 78.2 feet high”. No points awarded for either candidate!”

Even round 0-0

Round Three: President Obama continues to dance around the ring, peppering the slow footed Donald with his jab. Trump lands a hard right late in the round which rocks Obama. However, “The Donald” once again has to stop to comb his out of control hair which allows President Obama to survive the round.

Trump wins the round 10-9.

Round Four: Moderator McLaughlin: Our second question comes from former President William Jefferson Clinton: “Gentleman, given the cultural and economic complexities which challenge America today, how would you address the many divisions and misunderstandings and promote cooperation and prosperity for all during these difficult times. By the way, I did not have sexual relations, by strict interpretation of the term, with that woman Monica Lewinsky, believe me when I tell you that.”

“The Donald”: “Boy are our leaders stupid! I, and only I have the answer, which is simple. We need to build a fence to keep all of the foreigners out, along with an electrified bubble dome ranging 20,000 foot high over all American borders. Then, we’ll put a bunch of lasers into outer space to defend it. America this is my vision and we can accomplish it!” [MODERATOR MCLAUHGLIN INTERRUPTS]: “That is the most ridiculous answer I’ve ever heard in response to a complex geo political question, but I’ll allow it”. The question now goes to you: “President Obama”
President Obama: “First, let me say how much I appreciate the support of former President Clinton who is one of my most trusted supporters and advisors” [MODERATOR MCLAUGHLIN INTERRUPTS]: “Wrrrrrrrrong! The fact is the Clinton’s have been a pain in your ass throughout your presidency. Two point penalty to President Obama for insincerity.”

Trump wins the round 10-8

Round Five: President Obama is just too quick in the ring for: “The Donald”, peppering him with his jab. Trump tries to work his way inside but Obama just toys with him. Trump is reduced to holding on to his hair and shouting: “You’re Fired!” at President Obama.

President Obama wins the round 10-8.

Round Six: Moderator McLaughlin: “Our third question comes from former Vice President Dick Chaney. “Gentlemen, how do you propose to address Global terrorism over the next four years and specifically the problem of I.S.I.S. President Obama the question goes to you first”
[President Obama]: Well Mr. Chaney that is a great question and one I’ll answer in four parts given the complexity and importance of the issue: [MODERATOR MCLAUHGLIN INTERRUPTS] ”Wrrrrrrrrong,

Mr. President, this question can actually be answered in three parts!” The question now goes to Mr. Trump.

The Donald: “Uh, did mention we need to build a 20,000 foot bubble dome over all of our borders to assure our security. I’m a billionaire, I know how to buy off politicians and rip off the public to get this done. The American public doesn’t need rhetoric, it needs action!” [MODERATOR MCLAUGHLIN INTERRUPTS]: “Wrrrrrrrrong, Mr. Trump, yet again, another completely idiotic and pedantic answer from you!”

The Donald: “You’re Fired McLaughlin”[MODERATOR MCLAUGHLIN]: “Wrrrrrrrrong, Mr. Trump! I am the debate moderator and YOU’RRRRRRRRRRE FIRED. I declare President Obama the winner by a 6th round TKO!!!!!!!!!! The crowd roars with approval as referee Mills Lane raises President Obama’s hand in victory. But wait, we’re not through just yet. Here comes the “Big Show” along with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin into the ring. They grab “The Donald” and prevent him from leaving the ring.

From ringside, WWE announcer Jim Ross screams: “Oh my God……..Stone Cold has pulled out a set of shears. Oh no, their shaving Donald Trump’s head!” The crowd roars with approval and peppers the ring with deflated footballs, which were provided by the NFL: “Donate to the league that cares fund”!

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