By Dave Siderski

Rodney Dangerfield, born Jacob Rodney Cohen, was one of my favorite comedians ever. Rodney’s “No respect” routine turned self-deprecation into an art form. What made his comedy especially brilliant was that one could hear his own personal insecurities in the material which made him believable as a performer. As a tribute to him, I’d like to share my own personal ten favorite Rodney Dangerfield one-liners.

10. One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
9. I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, “On your mark…”
8. I said to the cabbie “take me where the action is”. He took me to my place.
7.  Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.
6. My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
5. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
4. I saw a guy jogging naked outside my house, I said hey buddy what are you doing? He said: “You came home early”.
3. When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father “I’m very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.”
2. My psychiatrist told me I’m crazy. I told him “If you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.” He said “Alright, you’re ugly too!”
1. I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.” He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Honorable Mention: Why don’t you two put your heads together and make an ass out of yourself! Rodney as Monty Capuletti in the 1983 movie “Easy Money”, addressing a bald, tight-assed department store clerk and look alike mannequin dummy.

R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004). You were a funny man and a great example of how persistence in life pays off. I’ll continue to work on my open mike routine as a tribute to your brilliance. I’m actually getting pretty good with my impersonation.

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