By Dave Siderski

The reality is most commercials are just an annoying nuisance. If you’re like me, you really don’t pay attention during the station break and won’t remember the vast majority of ads that are bombarding us over the television. However, there are some that are just so horrendous they stick out in your mind like the root canal you had last week. Here are 10 such commercials.

10. Xarelo

Arnold Palmer, Kevin Nealon, Brian Vickers get together for lunch at the country club and a round of golf. So what do three manly men talk about over a round of golf? Women? Cars? Sports? No, the subject of the day of the day is the blood thinning medication Xarelto. Now I’m sure this is a fine medicine that helps many people. But, I’m sorry can anyone think of a concept more contrived than four guys getting together talk about Xarelto? This commercial is utterly tacky.

9. eHarmony

Neil Clark Warren is a doofus on a mission, to find your perfect Mr. or Mrs. Right. He claims to have come up with a fail-safe formula based on his years as a practicing Psychologist. Just taking one look at this guy makes me highly skeptical of his knowledge in the area of romance. Thanks, but no thanks. I’d rather take my chances at the local bar.

8. Kentucky Fried Chicken

The new Colonel Sanders. Certain icons should be left alone. Norm Macdonald as Colonel Sanders? What’s next? Adam Sandler playing Smokey the Bear? “Abbie doobie. Don’t play with matches!” Or Will Ferrell playing Ronald McDonald: “You have absolutely breathtaking Mc-buns”. Seriously, these new KFC commercials absolutely suck! Stop living in the past and come up with a new and fresh marketing concept!

7. Sprint: Framily Plan

You know Andrew Dice Clay’s career has completely hit the skids when he starts playing a talking Hamster. “Dice and Jill when up a hill with a buck and a quarter a piece. Jill came down with $2.50 and turned the Diceman into a hamster”. This series of commercials is completely moronic. The worst is the “boogie fever” version where Clay utters: “I got my paws in the air and I don’t care.” What a sad state of affairs and an atrocious commercial.

6. Direct TV

Really High Voice Peyton Manning. The first version of this commercial featuring Rob Lowe was mildly funny but this concept has now become completely ridiculous. The odious low point was reached with the release of: “Really High Voice Peyton Manning”. A squeaky voiced Peyton singing: “This is how we sing this song…….doo dah…..doo dah”. I mean seriously! My god, what’s next? “Hi, I’m Tom Brady. And, I’m deflated Tom Brady.” All the more reason that I’ll stick with my Verizon service at least for now.

5. Nationwide

Peyton Manning. Note to Peyton: “Stick to throwing footballs, your singing sucks!” This commercial features Peyton humming the Nationwide theme and uttering such literary classics as: “losing feeling in my toes……..nothing beats that new car smell”. Then you have the creepy climax: “Chicken Parm you taste so good”. Funny, I used to enjoy Chicken Parm but will never be able to eat it again after hearing this crap.

4. Geico

“Wee Wee Wee”. Now this commercial just makes me want to punch somebody! I got the point with the first “Wee” and don’t need to hear it constantly for the next 30 seconds. UGGH! Please someone put a muzzle on that pig and slap the so-called creative geniuses who came up with this concept! Better yet, let’s lock them in a closet and make them to “Tiny Tim’s” greatest hits 24/7 for the rest of their lives. That seems fair to me.

3. Toyota

Swagga Wagon. Yo Sienna family! I’m not laughing with you. I’m laughing at you. This family raps to such classic lyrics as: “I got a swing in the front, A tree house in the back, Where my kids at? Where my kids at?” Sorry, guys but y’all look like a bunch of dorks to me! Note to the Sienna’s: Folks, you drive a minivan for God sakes! The cool act just doesn’t work for you.

2. Viva Viagra

A bunch of middle aged guys get together for a jam session. What cool tunes are they about to perform? Is it Jimi Hendrix’s “Little Wing”? Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”? George Thorogood’s “Bad to the Bone?” No, these hard core rockers came up with something even better: “Viva Viagra!” What a song! These guys really know how to jam. I honestly can’t understand why this tune didn’t make the charts.

1. Enzyte

Smiling Bob. Meet Bob. Bob was a man with a problem. But thanks to the miracle of Enzyte, Mr. Happy is happy all the time. Bob’s frown has been turned upside down and he now walks around with a big assed smile on his face 24/7. He is now “wood that will not bend”, “[always] remains firm, and “[is] a stiff negotiator”. Add in the theme song that sounds like it belongs in a 50’s sitcom and you have a commercial that is the absolute worst of all-time.

So, that’s my list of the ten dumbest commercials I’ve seen in the recent past. I won’t bother with the honorable mention for this one as we would be here all day. I’ll leave all of you with one final thought. Thank God for the Fast Forward function on DVR!

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