By Andi Goforth

Family- the one institution that has the potential to shape and define us from infancy. The arrangement can truly be beautiful. A loving relationship between parents has the potential to spill over into the relationship with their children. If the unit functions correctly, the parents can fulfill each other’s needs. Children have their needs fulfilled. Children grow up to become happy, healthy, productive members of society and strong communities result.

Sadly, this ideal structure is often lacking. Lack of responsibility, selfishness, and immaturity have eroded the foundation of many families. Today’s “Ask Andi” addresses some of the issues that arise when that foundation crumbles and gives practical tips for dealing with them.

Dear Andi,

I’m really stressing out right now and I don’t know what to do. I am a single parent of two teenage boys, and I have no help at all. My boys don’t know the simplest things in regards to making repairs around the house because I don’t know how to make those repairs. My boys are lazy, and sassy, and they are harder to deal with each day! Please don’t suggest that I call their dad, he’s been a part-time paw since our divorce a few years ago. How do I raise responsible, hard working boys without much help?

Stressed in San Antonio

Dear Stressed in San Antonio,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through these struggles. Raising young people to be mature, productive members of society is certainly one of the most important parts of parenthood. Let me give you a different perspective. Instead of stressing over what your sons don’t have in their lives, focus on what they do have. Sure, you may not be able to teach them how to use power tools, but you can teach them how to use another important tool– common sense. Being polite and respectful goes a long way in our society. Developing a cooperative attitude and being able to work with others and follow directions can compensate for what they may lack in mechanical ability.

Impress upon them the need to perform whatever chores that you assign them thoroughly. For example, there is a difference in merely washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Or, they can do the bare minimum in regards to their school work, or they can go above and beyond, being thorough and completing assignments ahead of time.

Hold them accountable! Insist that they are respectful. If they fail to be respectful or in their chores, withhold privileges such as cell phone use or going out with friends. On the other hand, be sure to reward hard work and good attitudes. We as adults are often rewarded in some manner when we go the extra mile. However, there are consequences when we slack off or don’t meet deadlines. Teaching them this now will help them to develop maturity and a work ethic. It won’t always be easy, but it will definitely be worth the struggle! Good luck to you!

Dear Andi,

I am a 33 year old man and I feel lost and alone. My parents are Christian ministers in a church that I grew up in, and I am expected to take over for them in a few years when they retire. Everyone at church thinks that they are so great but they’re not. My father gets so drunk that he passes out and becomes violent and all that my mother does is gossip about the Deaconesses in the church. It makes me angry, because they approach her in confidence, yet every detail of their personal lives is discussed and gossiped about in the church. How do I tell my parents that I’m not interested in picking up where they’re leaving off?

The Prodigal Son

Dear Prodigal Son,

I’m sorry that you feel lost and alone, but I can certainly understand why. So much hypocrisy is present in today’s churches that many people have lost faith. Unfortunately, you are not alone in your plight, but there are some things that may help you to decide the best course of action for you.

First, your relationship with the Most High is just that…. Yours! It is personal. This brings the case of you should not feel pressured into following a particular course because it’s a family tradition. Spirituality is much too important to assign someone else’s opinions or views to your worship. It is your choice and yours alone.

Next, since your parents profess to be Christians, but are showing something quite different in their actions, don’t allow yourself to be pressured to take their place. In fact, taking their place is the last thing that I would want to do if I were in your position. Violent drunkenness and betraying others’ trust are the last thing that anyone who professes to be a Christian to engage in. People think that they can do or say anything and hide it by throwing on a Christian coat. Well, I can put on scrubs and a stethoscope, and that doesn’t make me a doctor. Gaining knowledge of medicine, getting the proper accreditation, and practicing it effectively would though.

Finally, I would be direct with my parents. Tell them your concerns and be very clear on why you feel the way that you do. Focus on where you think that you want and need to be, and take it from there. No one has a right to manipulate you into anything, and you should not allow yourself to be manipulated either.

Andi my love,

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you had no teeth like me, you would gum a song too. Ha ha ha My question is, what can a toothless man do to get a hot woman?

Toothless George from the Bronx

Dear Toothless George from the Bronx,

Thanks for writing! With today’s advances, there is plenty that you can do to secure yourself a hot woman. Dentures are an option, and have become very affordable. Another option is to control your smiling and not show your gums. And then there’s always the old commando crown option. Work those gums!!

They’ll eventually toughen up, and who know, the hottie may actually prefer you sans toofies!!!
Good luck with that!!

Dear Andi,

HELP!! My daughter is a 16 year old junior in high school and is really looking forward to this years’ prom. Her room is filled with magazines showing the latest in hair and makeup, dresses and corsages. It’s all that she and her friends have been talking about recently. There’s just one problem…. I can’t afford it!! I fell sick, and due to extensive medical bills, I just simply don’t have the money. It’s a week away! What do I do?

Disappointed in Dallas

Dear Disappointed in Dallas,

First and foremost, I wish you good health and a full, speedy recovery. Nothing wrecks a budget like unexpected medical expenses. Too many of us have faced this situation. Part of reaching adulthood is the realization that we can’t always do what we want to do. With the limited amount of time, the likelihood of pulling everything together is very small. All is not lost though.
While this year’s prom may be out of the question, next year’s isn’t. And this situation presents you with the opportunity to teach your daughter a bit of responsibility, self-sufficiency, and hard work. Encourage your daughter to get a part-time job and work for next year’s prom. She can figure out a budget, breaking down her expenses for dress, shoes, limo, prom ticket, and meals. Thereafter, she can plan accordingly, saving a portion of her paycheck to cover the expenses. An extra bonus is that people usually feel a sense of accomplishment when they set a goal, work towards that goal, and achieve it.

So, while this year may not go as hoped, next year can go as planned. Use this opportunity to help your daughter develop self-sufficiency and self-reliance. She will likely have fun at the prom, but more importantly, she will receive a lesson to take along with her for life.

Hi Handi Andi,

I want to be Halle Berry, but my mommi says only girls can dress up like her. Well, I am a girlie man and am fucking pissed at my mommi for not letting me be Halle. What can I do to make her come around?

Antonio Martin

Dear Antonio Martin,

I’m not sure of your age, and that has a very significant bearing on my advice to you. However, I will tell you this…be comfortable in the skin that you’re in and be the best YOU possible!!!

Good luck!

Send your questions into “Ask Andi”