October 6th, 2014 
CEO 
By Andi Goforth
“No man is an island”. Those words were written by John Donne, an esteemed poet, and are often quoted by people who understand that we need one another. Human beings are remarkable creatures, and in numbers, our strength is heightened.
However, we also have the ability as humans to suck the life out of one another, and that is unfortunate. Jealousy, immaturity, lack of respect, lack of mutual reciprocation of support and love may put undue weight on a person.
What is a friend’s role? How can family members support one another? And how should we handle other people’s insecurities about our lives and our successes? These questions and the answers to them are the common thread in today’s Ask Andi.
Dear Andi,
I need some advice. I feel so alone, and the few friends that I do have only call me when they need money or advice. What should I do?
Signed,
Sad in San Diego
Dear Sad in San Diego,
Sorry to hear that you’re feeling sad. Friendship is a two-way street, so your so-called friends are wrong if they only contact you when they need something. That’s not what a friend is or what a friend does.
What are your interests? What do you like to do? Usually, the best friendships are formed by common interests, so seek friendships with those who may like the same things that you do. For example, if you like hiking, perhaps it would present an opportunity for you to find a friend.
Remember to smile! Be friendly! Be genuine. You’ll have friends before you know it.
Dear Andi,
I’m trying to understand something. Recently, after struggling for years, I finished college and landed my dream job with a Fortune 500 company. I have not changed, I’m still the same person, but my roommate is treating me differently. He no longer wants to hang out with me, and every time someone mentions my job, he gets quiet and withdrawn. I’m hoping that he isn’t resentful of my success.
Signed,
Confused in Columbus
Dear Confused in Columbus,
Congratulations on your new job. What an accomplishment. In this day and age, it’s difficult to land a job of your dreams! You should feel accomplished!
I’m sorry to hear about your roommate’s coolness. Sometimes when others are struggling, it is difficult for them to celebrate others’ success. And what a shame that is! We should all applaud the results of hard work and dedication, and we should be genuinely happy for other people’s successes.
Jealousy occurs when we count others’ blessings and not our own. Your roommate likely needs to refocus and be grateful for the good things that are going on in his life. Gratitude is a sign of emotional stability. Of course, we cannot control how others think or act, but we can continue to be positive. Perhaps he will come around. You may chose to help him count his blessings as well. Sometimes people just need a gentle dose of reality to help improve their outlook.
Dear Andi,
Please help me. I have been married for two years, and it’s been good for the most part, but we are really struggling lately. It seems that all we do is argue! My husband is a perfectionist, and can be very critical at times. Last night, he embarrassed me by calling me fat in front of our friends. He claims that he was joking, but I know that he meant it. I have put on quite a bit of weight lately and it seems that all he does is complain. How can I get him to understand that the things that he says and does are hurtful and that it’s affecting our marriage and my feelings towards him?
Signed,
Furious in Florida
Dear Furious,
I’m really sorry to hear of your problems. None of us are perfect, not even perfectionists, so putting unreasonable demands on others will only lead to disappointment.
Your husband, quite frankly, sounds like a cad. Unless someone has battled weight issues, they have no idea of the frustrations that come along with it. To call you fat in front of friends is childish, immature, and insensitive.
I suggest that you have a heart to heart discussion with him. Explain to him how his words and actions affect you, and your marriage. Be direct with him about unrealistic expectations. And let him know that put downs are unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it.
Marriage is work! Many people forget this when they say those vows. So, set aside some time for you and your mate to enjoy one another’s company. Make this a fun time. A lot of people with lofty expectations simply need to relax and enjoy life. We can’t control everything and there is a certain freedom that comes with not wanting to.
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