By Andi Goforth

One of the things that I find great amazement in is family dynamics. People can grow up in the same household, have similar DNA, share genetics, and yet turn out vastly different. Our environment shapes us, but in a lot of ways, we develop our own unique values and beliefs that are independent of what the closest of our relatives may have. Whether related by genetics or joined by marriage, we all have ideas of what is acceptable or not, and those values must be assessed and either reinforced or changed from time to time.

What behavior is appropriate for co-workers of the opposite sex who are married to other individuals? Why do some people place higher value on material things than others do? And what behavior is acceptable if a member of our family dates or marries someone of a different background? Those subjects are dealt with in our current “Ask Andi”.

Dear Andi,

Please help me figure out what to do. Recently, I found some naked pictures of a woman on my husband’s phone! What makes me angrier is that she is a coworker! She was very friendly to me at last year’s Christmas party. I had no idea that she was trying to seduce my husband! What should I do?

Signed,
Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida,

I fully understand your frustration. The possibility of being betrayed would evoke those emotions in any of us. Before you kick your husband to the curb, get some clarity on the situation. Since the woman is a coworker, it’s not unusual that she would have his phone number. Consider the possibility of her sending him these pictures without his consent or approval. Has he crossed the lines with other females in the past? Is he honest? Have you caught him in lies before? His track record has a lot to do with how you should react. In any event, I encourage you to communicate with him to find out what the issues in your marriage are. He should have been forthcoming with the fact that this coworker crossed the line IF she did so unprompted. Wishing you the best!

Dear Andi,

I am the oldest in a family of four and I’m constantly frustrated with one of my siblings. My youngest sister Lynda is a constant bragger. All that she does is brag about how much money she has in the bank, her latest vacation, her fabulous cars, her furs, her jewelry. Blah, blah, blah! I’m sick of it! What should I do?

Signed,
Disgusted in Dallas

Dear Disgusted in Dallas,

While I understand your frustration with your sister, I really think that you should feel sorry for her. Why? Because her self esteem must be in the toilet! Anyone who constantly brags is attempting to put others down…. Down to the level that inside they feel they are at. Do this… The next time she starts bragging, stop her. Let her know that, while they are nice, material things aren’t of primary importance. Someone suffering of a serious illness would likely give all of their possessions up for a guarantee of good health. Likewise, someone who has lost a loved one in death would do the same. Tell her that you love her for WHO she is, not what she HAS! Hopefully, she will build her self esteem and stop bragging.

Dear Andi,

Recently, I started dating a man of another race. He is very kind and considerate, supportive and loving. I have never been happier in my life! This man is my soul mate. We have so much in common and view things the same. However, there is one problem… my father! He hates that I am dating one of “those people” and thinks that my boyfriend’s race is the cause of most if the corruption that we see today. He uses various racial slurs, and even asked my boyfriend if his parents were in the mafia! I was so embarrassed. How should I deal with this?

Signed,
Judged in Jacksonville

Dear Judged in Jacksonville,

Congratulations on finding your soul mate Not many people are so fortunate to have found such a relationship. Life is so short and uncertain that we should hold on to people who come into our lives and enrich it. That being said, you will have to have a heart to heart talk with your father. Let him know that under no uncertain terms will you accept the mistreatment of a man who has bought you so much love and joy. The slurs, the stereotypes, they must cease and cease immediately! Your father should be ashamed of himself. With all of the dysfunctional relationships in the world today, he should be thrilled that his daughter found a mature man who loves her. Regardless of the exterior, finding a good mate now a days is a blessing, and no amount of immature bigotry should damage your happiness. Best wishes!

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