By Andi Goforth

Variety makes life beautiful and interesting. Various people with differing looks, personalities, and viewpoints can be a good thing. I’ve always thought that the prettiest gardens were the ones with contrasting flowers. Different sizes, different shapes, different colors. When those flowers are planted with thought and attention to details, they not only showcase their individual beauty, but they also highlight the contrasting beauty of the other flowers.

The same could be true of society, but it’s often the opposite. Instead of embracing our differences, people often use it as a tool or an excuse to browbeat one another. This causes strife and discord, and mars what could be mutually beneficial relationships and growth. When people fail to regard the needs and feelings of others, when they result to using condescending words and actions, when they fail to show due respect and consideration to others things can go haywire. How can we rise above our differences? What is the best way to make decisions when there is a difference of opinion? Can we merge our differences to create a harmonious and appealing garden in our lives? It’s possible, but it will require some things on everyone’s part. This is evident in today’s “Ask Andi”.

Dear Andi,

Please be direct with me. I know that I can be a bit sensitive at times, but I really don’t think that it’s the case in this situation. I recently asked a friend of mine for advice on a health condition that I experienced. It is a common problem, so I thought nothing of asking her in the presence of another one of her friends. Well, was that ever a mistake! My friend’s “friend” proceeded to tell me that I needed to go to a doctor and stop being so ignorant. When I tried to explain to her that I didn’t have health insurance and that my funds were limited, she responded “uuh! Obamacare. Duh! Sign up for it in November. ” I was speechless. What should I do?

Signed,
Dumbfounded in Denver

Dear Dumbfounded in Denver,
First let me say that I hope that you resolve your medical issues soon. I well understand how the change in healthcare has affected many Americans. While some have seen improvement, others have taken several steps backwards. If this is the case, we just need to hang on and take proactive steps to remain healthy and ward off illnesses where possible.

Now, to the issue at hand. There is an old but wise saying that pops into my head when I read your letter. That saying is “it doesn’t matter what you say, but it matters HOW you say it”. This statement is true. If we want other people to accept what we say, we must say it in an acceptable manner. If you prepare someone’s favorite dish, would you put so much salt in it that it’s not palatable? Not if you want them to eat it!

My advice is simple. The next time something like this happens, be very decisive in your tone and choice of words. Express that, while you appreciate the concern, you don’t appreciate the manner. And as for explaining your financial situation…. don’t! You are not obligated to explain anything to anyone. Put a stop to it and move on!

Dear Andi,

I recently graduated college and I’m looking for a job. The problem is, I’m getting conflicting advice from everyone! Some people tell me to take whatever I can get. Some people tell me that I need to leave my small town and head out to a big city to land a job. And others tell me that I need to go back and get my Master’s Degree. I’m so confused! What do you think?

Signed,
Confused in Carthage

Dear Confused in Carthage,

Congratulations on earning your degree! What an accomplishment! And, while your current situation my make you feel anxious, looking at your immediate needs and situation will help you to make a wise choice. What are your values? Do you prefer small-town living to stay near family? Is there a solid reason why you wish to do so? Are you an outgoing person who fits in anywhere? Do you make friends easily? Are you ok with solitude? What are your goals, immediate? Long-term? Short-term? What are your obligations, and how does your decision enable you to meet those obligations?

It’s nice for people to offer their advice. What we must remember is that most of the time, we know details that others may not. We alone know the entirety of our situation so we alone should make major decision in our lives. We may chose to consider what others say, but we have to live with our choices so we should make those choices with this in mind. You may want to make a list and clearly state the pros and cons of each option. Keep in mind what your needs are and give the most important needs additional consideration in making your decision. I wish you the best!!

Dear Andi,

I’m in a bit of a dilemma and I would like your perspective since my wife is involved and I want an unbiased female opinion. My step daughter is 16 years old. She is quite voluptuous. She dresses really provocatively and I think that it is inappropriate. My wife thinks that she has the body for it, so more power to her! We agreed that we would listen to your advice. What’s your take?

Signed,
Puzzled in Peoria

Dear Puzzled in Peoria,

Thanks for writing in… And thanks for the pressure! :-). On a serious note, I base my dress on the appropriateness of the situation. Attire that is appropriate in one venue may be totally inappropriate in another. For example, if I were going to the beach in Florida, I wouldn’t wear an overcoat or a bathrobe. I would wear appropriate attire for my age and body type. I would wear a bathing suit that was figure flattering but not unduly revealing. I want people to know me for me, and not because of external distractions. Now, while that bathing suit may be appropriate for the beaches in Florida, it would not be appropriate for church! Because of the venue and keeping in mind local culture, I would likely wear a dress that is designed for my body type. I would accentuate my assets, but there is a difference between accentuating and exposing.

As young girls grow into adulthood, they will appreciate being a woman of substance when we invest more on our interior than our exteriors. So, give her flexibility, let her exercise some choice, encourage individuality, but set boundaries! It is inappropriate for anyone to wear a dress that is so short that everyone knows what color her underwear is. It sends off a message that she may not intend to send.

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