By Marla Eggar

“Tonight, you become a new creation. You must swear to be faithful to La Cosa Nostra. If you betray this oath or what you know about this life, you will die and burn in hell much like this saint in your hand. Do you accept”? While the wording may differ from family to family, this pledge is a promise you make when accepting your new role in the “Life”. But who doesn’t know this right? Something you may be unfamiliar with are the principals that define La Cosa Nostra. Listed below are the guidelines, also known as the 10 Commandments, that comes along with being in the “Life””

1. No one can present himself directly to any of our friends. You are required to use a third person. Sounds safe enough and a sign of respect, I mean, if I don’t know you like that what are we going to discuss, the weather?…Next!

2. Never look at the wives of friends. In short, if he’s changed her last name her vaj -jay is no longer fair game. What have I always said ladies? If they like it, they hit it. If they love it, they put a ring on it…Next!

3. Never be seen in the company of cops. Duh …Next!

4. Don’t go to pubs and clubs. What! I don’t know where they got this shit from but they need to take it back…Next!

5. Always be available for Cosa Nostra — even if your wife is about to give birth. Hold up wait a minute. If I’m lying there giving birth to my man’s baby and all of the sudden his phone rings, I’m looking at him like “That better be Jesus calling”. I wish the hell you would leave my ass in the hospital while I’m popping out your legacy! Leave if you want to, but trust and believe the toilet seat will get more ass than you in the months to follow…Next!

6. Appointments must absolutely be respected – be on time! This is how they keep black people out. Even the doctor’s offices give you a fifteen minute grace period… Next!

7. Wives must be treated with respect. Unless she’s giving birth and you’re on call that night…Next!

8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth. Yeah right? Christmas comes in my house first fella. Personally, I’ll tell the truth if it’s going to work in my favor otherwise deny, deny, and deny, if need be lie…Next!

9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families. Okay, (in my lil Jon voice) only if a bear takes a shit in the woods then wipes his ass with a fluffy white rabbit…Next!

10. People who can’t be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn’t possess moral values. Hell, this rule does more damage to the mob then the F.B.I itself. Think about it, basically you’re asking for a bunch of alter boys, who aren’t snitches, to profit off the sin of the world but take no part in it.

Well if you believe that, then I’m a virgin, who doesn’t drink and only weighs 110 pounds…Next!

It’s clear these rules were written in another time. Before the mob fell victim to the American dream and you could take a man’s word at face value. A simpler time. I don’t know what the hell this world is coming to. This one goes out to the way things used to be in the good ole days!

Salute!

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