By Arita Sysamout

In preschool, my son came home and asked me when I would start to look old like the other parents? My response was “Not for a very long time.” I’m hot enough to where the other moms at school don’t want to be my friend but not hot enough to be an Instagram model. The side eye is blatant when I show up to practice in heels. Yes, bitches, I work all day and rush straight to practice in my work attire. I don’t get the luxury of living in yoga pants and hanging out at Chik-fil-A. That was one of my first experiences with meeting other moms; I was already the odd woman out. I’m a full-time parent, zero time runner, we had nothing in common. They asked me if I was babysitting my own kid? To some that may sound like a compliment, but to me it sounds like a snide insult. No, I wasn’t 12 when I had him and I won’t apologize for my taut skin.

I work in the beauty industry and what’s normal to me may not be to a typical person, I wear long lashes every day and bold lip colors. I put effort into my appearance and that stands out in comparison to the “Plain Janes” that use lip gloss for fancy occasions. I’ve only made one mom friend, my kid’s entire childhood that wasn’t related to me and our kids never even went to the same school! I get pre-judged from chicks that just happen to have a kid attend the same class as mine. We didn’t chat in Lamaze, why start now? The flip side is once we chat it up, they realize I’m kind of likeable. I’ve been defending myself from every stereotype you can imagine. It’s sad that single moms get looked down on like we are charity cases and yet single dads are just great because they are the parent that stayed and took responsibility. Hello Society? What do you think single moms are doing? I mentioned the word charity, a poor single mother on welfare like Tupac said. That’s not the case here. I’m not rich, but we are good. He is good and has what he needs and most of what he wants.

It’s interesting to see how I’m treated by other moms. They look at me like I made some bad life choices and I deserve to struggle on my own. No one deserves that! No one really chooses to parent alone and if we had to make the choice to parent alone, it’s for a good reason. Sometimes we don’t get to decide, life happens. In my case my ex and I parted ways and he stopped trying to be in our son’s life. He takes him to walk around the mall or to the gym once a month as bonding time. I feel qualified to write this article because I’ve been “Momming” solo for almost 15 years now and I have a lot to say.

For Instance, let’s just put it out there that not all gay dudes want your man and neither do all the single moms! I haven’t had time to research this topic; it’s solely based on my experiences. I noticed women get territorial and stake their claim, or linger a little longer when I come around. Silly tricks, your husband’s not going to say anything with you around and even if he did, nobody wants your crusty ass husband with his dad jeans and lame ass jokes! Years ago, I was the wife that was cheated on; my hubby was running around like Kobe in Colorado. I know all about knowing what I deserve so, no thanks. I have too much self-respect to be on the other side of that.

I became a mom at 19 to my sweet bundle of joy and believe it or not I was also married! I didn’t just get knocked up and left at the truck stop. My ex traveled the globe following his dreams and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him to choose between his career, the sidechicks or us. So, he made his decision and it’s been my “Bundle of Joy” and myself ever since. I was already parenting alone while his dad was traveling all the time, so it wasn’t a big adjustment to our lives. Probably one of the biggest fears of having kids would be to raise them alone. My biggest question was how am I going to do this?

Relationships end every day and some of those people have kids. Boom, “Single Parenting!” Sometimes the other parent dies; things we can’t control and all of a sudden you’re thrown into a new start you didn’t ask for. I just wanted my little family to live happily ever after; it just doesn’t always work that way. I eventually learned to become resilient to the void and so did my son. We just carried on through life; Birthdays, first days of school, Tae Kwon Do belt ceremonies, sports, dinners, it was always just us. I spend every day making sure he feels more than enough love and support from me. I want him to know he can follow his passions and accomplish anything despite any stigma that he may come from being raised in a single parent household.

He can even be President, he probably should be.

I hope I’ve shown him strength, how to stay strong and face adversity. There are times when I even doubt myself. I worry if I’m doing enough? Am I making the best decision? Sometimes I wish I had someone to give me input or reassurance that I’m doing alright. But then I look at what a remarkable young man he is becoming and I know I’m doing better than alright. We have a great relationship; he does well in school, works hard in sports and is just a nice guy. He’s harder on himself than I am on him, but I’m hard on myself too, we have that in common. Single parents carry around this guilt that nothing we do is ever enough. When in fact, we spend more time with our kids and give them all of our complete attention. There is no getting tired and go find your dad or mom. Single parents don’t get breaks! When I hear people complain about their spouses not pulling their weight or moms that say they aren’t cut out to do it alone, I want to yell! You would do it if you had to and you would kick ass and take names too! I have to remind myself that I’ve been battling a 7ft giant for the past 15 years and I’m still slaying that dragon breath giant.

I’m actually still holding out for my one true love. He’s on a train to NY somewhere…

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