By Arita Sysamout

Remember when we were young and in such a rush to grow up? I don’t even know why. All I wanted to do was stay up late at night, not have anyone tell me what to do and buy the whole candy aisle at 7-Eleven. This whole adulting thing doesn’t really seem like a fair trade off. Except for the candy.

Being a kid was carefree. Being a teen was just so annoying for everyone involved and now being an adult, I’m learning that every adult before me was just winging it. There are certain things we can never prepare for. Such as, our parents getting older or sick. If you have lost a parent, I’m sorry for your heartache. You are stronger than you and I know.

I think my dad was Superman. I say this because he just retired. He emigrated to America from Laos in 1978 and hit the ground running. My mom was pregnant with my older sister when they arrived so he had work to do. I couldn’t even imagine coming to another country, barely knowing the language, having a baby on the way and having to figure out what you’re going to do for work. He doesn’t like to remember this part because it was a part of the struggle, but the struggle is the part you earn respect for. He worked in a laundry-room while going to school to earn a degree and took care of a newborn me while he waited for a security clearance. That he did.

For 34 years he worked for the US Government doing things I don’t know about. Got up at dawn every morning and commuted into DC, worked hard to provide for my siblings and I and we never heard him complain. He was too tired to complain. Stressed out for sure only because he did have a lot on his plate. Regular adult things I suppose, a mortgage, four kids, a wife and aging parents. What I have realized is no matter how old we are, losing our parents is something we can never prepare for. My dad had a mild stroke after my bro-cousin passed away. He said the sleepless nights and anxiety over my cousins’ death probably played a part. I try not to overreact about anything because someone has to remain calm and run the circus but there was this one day…I was rushing out the door on my way to work and I stopped for a second to translate for my dad. That was the first time I looked in his eyes after the health scare and he looked so helpless and worried. My dad is built Toyota tough so you have to understand the severity of it. This man has little to no emotions. This was the first one I’ve seen and it was a sad one. I cried like a punk on my way to work that morning because I don’t want my parents to get old. Luckily it was a short drive.

In the daytime I’m up running my own world and at night I’m up moonlighting. My son thinks I’m hanging out, my parents think I’m dating everyone and everyone else thinks I’m sleeping. I’ll tell you a secret about my secret life just don’t tell anyone else. I watch old people. Don’t worry they know I’m watching them. That’s what they call me over there for. Elderly people are the most forgotten about demographic. Sorry to break the news but it’s the truth. Just look at all the old homes you see, inside there is someone growing just as old. Unfortunately, our loved ones do get older and often times require more care. Did you know that geriatric patients can receive personal care in their own home?

It’s a nice alternative to leaving our folks at a nursing home. That’s where people like me come in. It’s not work for the faint of hearts. You have to be prepared and willing to treat people with kindness, dignity and respect at the hardest sometimes worst moments of their lives. It’s also hard to let your family and loved one’s care for you in the most intimate ways. I dread the day and I really don’t want to do that for my parents cause it’s a little strange but I can do it for yours, no problem. I try to keep in mind how hard it is to ask for help especially when you’ve been strong and independent your whole life. So, it’s imperative we have compassion. The upside is meeting these amazing people who have lived full lives. Falling in and out of love. Raising their kids to be decent human beings and all the adventures in between. I love history and we can learn a lot just by listening to their stories. The downside is, if they had their health I wouldn’t need to be there and we know our time is limited.

Recently, a few friends of mine have had to deal with health related issues involving our parents or elderly. No one told us the thirties meant we had this kind of stuff to deal with. I thought I’d be more grown up, like in my 60s before this was an issue. It humbles me to know how things can change so quickly. I deal with it everyday but it hits home differently for obvious reasons. Some people cry over spilled milk or which one of them dumbass big booty sisters are pregnant. Some people wake up for treatment or dialysis before most of us are even awake. It puts things into perspective.

My dad has taught this grasshopper 3 things I won’t soon forget:

1. Everyone has a first day. Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t know something and when you do know, don’t be hard on someone else. It could be their first day.

2. Make your own money. Your future won’t depend on how your husband treats you.

3. Treat your grandparents well, they won’t be here forever, show them you love them with the snacks they like. It’s that simple. (My grandpa obeyed his thirst with Sprite and was a fan of pound cake.)

Those were all important tips and it could have been said before but my dad said it in Laotian. I also just wanted to say that I don’t want to ever hear that we don’t have enough jobs in America. That’s a myth. As long as we have old folks and children, or even laundry rooms, there will always be a need for kind compassionate caregivers. The dream is free, the hustle is sold separately. All the crap going on in the world and this Idiot we have in office, we have to take care of each other now more so than ever because no one else will. So here is my tip, eat well. Treat yourself better and tell people you love them.

Also, please have my back when I need it and I’ll be there for you.

Let’s cherish the good days so they cancel out the bad ones.

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