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By Tatiauna Miller

Currently our country is experiencing a racial divide, whether some people feel it’s made up or it’s political or media driven, there is a division. I know people aren’t good with change; it’s very hard to rewire our brains to view a situation in a different light. Hell, some of us can’t even train our minds and bodies to eat the right foods; let alone keep an open mind. I’d like to share some of the situations that I’ve encountered as a black female and perhaps change some viewpoints. Welcome to the black experience in America!

Prior to my most recent haircut, I’ve always had long hair. I’m not sure why but it’s always extremely shocking that a black female has long “Real” hair. I don’t know how many times someone has asked me if my hair was “all mine”, “real” or a “wig”? The other assumption is I must be from the Caribbean or Latina, because regular ole black people can’t grow long hair. People have tried to search my scalp to verify that I’m telling the truth.

I’ve been told to use less weave because my hair is too big. Well, sorry you feel that way; unfortunately, I can’t just snatch out patches of my hair to satisfy you. Or most recently the lady in the office that asked me where I get my hair done. I said I do it myself and she says well can you braid mine? I explained, I don’t braid and she asked how I get my hair like that?

Well, Beyoncé said it best, “I woke up like this.” Yes, black people can grow long hair, there is no magic trick. Often times underneath the weaves and wigs are long Rapunzel tresses, some women just prefer to have versatility in their style and use other means like wigs and weaves.

This next one always tries my patience, every damn time. According to some folks, since I’m a single black female I’m automatically interested in ANY single black male. Like any black guy will do because we are automatically attracted to each other. I’m sorry but if you haven’t noticed all black people do not look alike! We have versatility in color, sizes, shapes and cultural backgrounds. I have a lot of types to choose from and I’m not just going to choose a man because he’s black and single and a black man may not want to choose me just because I’m black and single. So, for the nice folks that try to set me up with just any black guy, I like to point out random single white men and say “Hey, look I found a man for you, he’s white and single!” That always get some laughs and “oh Tati’s so crazy!” NO, you’re crazy for assuming I’m going to like anybody just because we match!

Just because I’m black doesn’t mean I have a ton of children, with different daddies. I’m always kicking it with somebody’s kids, not because it’s my job, but kids are fun. I’m usually taking my daughter’s friends somewhere or on an excursion with my daughter’s cousins. Someone is always commenting on my kids. “Oh, your kids are so adorable or well behaved, they all look like you!” None of these kids look like me, not even my own child. What the hell are you talking about? “Do they have different daddies?” Yes, they have different daddies and different mommies too. I like how people just assume; I have 6 kids, all around the same age that look differently and then ask about the dad’s like it’s any of their business.

Black people get shitty customer service. Yes, I said it! It would be nice if someone said “Hello” when I walk in to a store, I just might buy something! I’ve walked in many stores and someone has ignored me and said hello to the white couple right behind me. Black people buy the most damn designer clothes and accessories and you’re going to ignore me? Not to sound picky, but you can say “Hello!” I don’t need you to follow me around and check to see if I’m stealing. I had the worse experience at Target last winter. A store employee at the Self-Checkout line decided she was going to watch and stand directly behind me while I rung up all my items and then actually searches through my bag afterwards to reconcile my purchases with my receipt.

She also asked me if I was going to ring up the designer coat in my hand. It’s snowing outside and I’m pretty sure everyone had a coat on in the store. I asked her “Does this look like a coat from Target?” She tells me like a smart ass “Well, I wasn’t sure!” My response was “Well, how are you going to accuse someone of trying to steal, and you don’t even know Target merchandise?” That incident was extremely embarrassing, I filed a complaint and I haven’t seen that lady at Target since.

Here comes a touchy subject; police harassment. I’ve been stopped by police for suspicious activity in my neighborhood a few times. In my neighborhood, we’ve had spurts of break-ins and vandalism and I do appreciate a larger police presence, but I think maybe some common sense should be used when questioning or stopping a potential subject. If you’re looking for someone that broke into a house, 100% chance they wouldn’t be robbing people while walking a dog. I was questioned by police about my whereabouts while walking my dog, directly in front of my house.
OK so granted it was 8:30pm and I was wearing a pink hoodie, but the white guy with a bookbag walking in the park directly across from us that’s supposed to be closed after dark, is OK? I guess I’m hiding all those stolen items in the magical poop bag. My dad who likes to go running at sunset is stopped by the police almost every time. I guess a black guy running on a busy street at sunset is real suspicious, because black men are only running for Olympic medals or from someone like defensive backs and the police? I thought most people are running for their health, but what do I know?

Black moms = angry moms…Not a fair assessment, most moms are angry when it comes to their child. When my daughter was in kindergarten, I was being a whack mom and I forgot to bring my ID to the bus stop. This one time I forget my ID, we had a substitute bus driver. The other parents didn’t have their ID and they were giving the bus driver hell. This bus driver was sweating and yelling it was a horrible sight. So, when she comes to my daughter, I say “No, I don’t have my ID, just take her back to school, I’ll pick her up there.” The school is not far at all and I would prefer the bus driver check a person’s ID before anyone picks up my child from the bus stop. I wasn’t pissed; it’s my fault for not following the pickup protocol and safety measures. I jump in my car and head to the school. I see the bus driver in the front office with the entire Administration Calvary waiting for my arrival.

I swear when they saw it was an unsmiling black woman they all swallowed and rolled their eyes. I bet they were all thinking “Here we go, we’re going to need damage control.” As soon as I walked in the bus driver is saying “Ma’am, I’m sorry”, I immediately stopped her and tell her in my most diplomatic voice, “No, you did the right thing, thank you for doing your job!” The Bus driver, Principal, Assistant Principal, and Front office lady mouth dropped open; I flashed my ID and grabbed my child and walked out. That was the best feeling, proving them wrong.

These were only a few incidents, but these are situations I’ve always thought about afterwards. I’ve always wondered if people realize that their assumptions can be hurtful? I get that some people may have never been followed around in the mall by security or experienced any of those types of things, but it happens. To pretend like none of this is happening is a major issue and insult to your minority friends and coworkers. No one is asking for apologies, all we’re asking is for your understanding.

Thanks for giving me your time! Have a beautiful day, laugh more, live more and have an open mind…

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