By Bruce Blackman

…like when you visit them, and they tell you to have a seat, but the couch and chairs are covered with so many decorative pillows that you can’t sit, and you don’t want to throw any on the floor to make a place, so you just sit on the very tippy-tippy edge and act like that’s the normal way you sit as your legs tremble from supporting your weight

And then they serve coffee on a silver-plated tray, and you have to be polite and shit and act like the Earl of Essex and not leave any coffee boogers in the sugar, and you drink way the fuck too much, and then you need to pee like fifty midgets so you go in their guest bathroom which is way too damn close to the living room, and you try to make it go down the side of the toilet so it doesn’t sound like a cow pissing on a flat rock so everybody won’t know what you’re doing like they didn’t know in the first place, but at least you don’t have to advertise it. And you’d like to whistle to cover up the sound, but you’re afraid to because they might think you’re strange which you probably are for thinking about it at all.